


Deadlock Is A Medic Slut

by dragonofdispair



Series: Unrelated Prompt Responses [68]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Canon What Canon?, Crack, Deadlock’s Medic Harem, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 14:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16019435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonofdispair/pseuds/dragonofdispair
Summary: Deadlock has banged every Cybertronian medic on both sides. Every. Single. One.Well... allbutone.





	Deadlock Is A Medic Slut

**Author's Note:**

> Someone on the Discord server mentioned a medic harem. I couldn't resist. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Beta’d by [Unicron84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicron)

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Delphi, in the midst of dealing with a mild but highly contagious rust infection, was happy to get some help in the form of three not-yet-bedsick newcomers from a passing ship. Pharma, the only one immune to the virus, was happy to give them the tour. And if he tended to stand a little inappropriately close to Ratchet as he did so… well, from the look on Autobot CMO’s face, he’d get wrench shoved somewhere very painful in a klik and  _ First Aid _ wasn’t going to do anything to stop it.

“Psst!”

First Aid didn’t have a set of differentiated optics to roll but he gave it his best attempt anyway. “I’m trying to work, Ambulon,” he whispered to the bedridden mech. He was taking longer to get over the rust rash than First Aid had, due to complications from his pre-existing paint degradation.

“It’s that guy I told you about!”

_ That _ caught First Aid’s attention. He finished changing the bedding quickly, leaving the cooling blanket lopsided over the unconscious tank, and moved over to Ambulon’s berth. He leaned in close hiding their conversation behind the chores and angled himself so he could see the newcomers.

“He looks a little… dumpy,” First Aid said, disappointed. Ambulon’s stories were about the most fantastic frags with the most gorgeous Decepticon officer ever, who happened to have a fetish for medical staff. But while there was nothing  _ wrong _ with the dark blue mech with the red optic band — rather similar to First Aid’s own — he just didn’t seem to fit the description of “most gorgeous Decepticon officer ever”.

“Not him,” Ambulon hissed back. “The other one. He’s white now, but I swear it’s him!”

Oh.  _ Oh! _ First Aid was glad he didn’t have a mouth because that meant he couldn’t drool. “Yeah, he’s pretty,” he managed, proud at how unaffected he sounded.

Even blotchy and disfigured from the peeling paint and rust rash, Ambulon’s look of disbelief was perfectly obvious. First Aid ignored the other medic; there was something about the mech, something that didn’t come from Ambulon’s stories. The long sweeping finials, three swords and not a single gun in sight…

_ “Drift!” _ he hissed when it finally clicked. Oh, Primus, “You didn’t tell me you were sleeping with a  _ Wrecker.” _

“I didn’t know he was a Wrecker!”

Hissing the his name had apparently been enough to catch the mech’s attention, because before First Aid could respond that Ambulon  _ should have paid attention _ to the junior medic’s long rants on the subject or Ambulon retort that he’d been  _ otherwise engaged at the time, _ the mech wandered over. Cool blue optics swept over the row of occupied patient beds and lingered on First Aid in a way that would have made him drool more, if, you know, he’d had a mouth. 

“Hello,” he said, quiet and polite, though. “Do I know you?”

Ambulon pinched First Aid hard enough to make him yelp before he could start rambling about every issue of  _ Wreckers: Declassified _ the pretty white mech had featured in. “Hey Deadlock,” Drift twitched warily, “I was a lot more purple when you saw me last, so I’m not surprised you don’t recognize me.”

Blue optics narrowed, examining the bedridden medic more closely. “Ambulon? Weren’t you a helicopter too?”

“Yeah… long story.  _ You’re _ still hot as a star though.”

“What’s this?” Ratchet wandered over with Pharma and the last mech in tow. “Drift?” 

Drift looked vaguely embarrassed, but he stepped aside so that Ratchet could join them. First Aid squeaked, and was pinched again by Ambulon. 

“Ratchet,” Drift said with a slight bow. “This is Ambulon. We knew each other.”

“Back when we were both Decepticons,” Ambulon put in helpfully. He appraised Ratchet, looking him up and down as Ratchet politely said  _ Pleased to meet you, _ and nodded. “So has he tried bending you over a medberth yet?”

“No,” Ratchet frowned, looking over at Drift who had buried his face in his hands and was muttering something akin to  _ Primus Ambulon why are you like this? _ “He hasn’t. So you didn’t just know Drift; he’s an ex.”

“Deadlock’s not an ex,” Ambulon said smugly. “He’s a ‘whenever’.”

_ “Drift _ is an ex, though,” Drift was quick to assure Ratchet. He pulled his hands off of his face and must have seen something in Ratchet’s face or field, because his armor plating bristled. “What? It’s not like I’m the only one with an ex—”

“Two exes.”

“—hanging around here!”

For a moment, First Aid thought they were so busy glaring at each other that they wouldn’t notice the interruption. But nope. Slowly they both turned to look at Pharma.

Who twitched under their gazes, trying not to look at either of them and seemed to be pretending he hadn’t spoken up at all. “It was a long war, okay?”

No luck. “Pharma, you…” Ratchet couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“Was I drunk?” Drift asked, with a vague sort of curiosity. “Because I don’t remember this. Before or after I defected?”

“Before, and you said you were on leave so… probably drunk?” Pharma looked distinctly uncomfortable, but he made the mistake of looking at Ratchet’s offended expression. His armor fluffed up in his own offense, wings flaring out in a display that would have been intimidating if, you know, it weren’t  _ this situation. _ “What? It was after you  _ walked out on me. _ He wasn’t the only one I fragged on that trip!”

“Oh, were you in that pile with Flatline, Glit and Triage?” Drift looked a little bit like he wished he could stop talking, but wasn’t able to bring himself to. “On Hedonia? I sort of remember a jet and thought it was Remedy, but he said he wasn’t anywhere near Hedonia at the time.”

“That would be the trip.” Pharma daintily rubbed some imaginary dust off of his arm.

“I would have sent you some energon candies if I hadn’t been so certain you were Remedy,” the white sword mech offered apologetically. “I’m not usually the ‘frag and forget’ type.”

“You can get me some now. The expensive kind.”

“Deal.”

The awkward silence filled up the room until First Aid wanted to blurt out that Drift (or Deadlock) hadn’t fragged  _ him, _ and  _ couldwepleasechangethat? _ but Ambulon beat him to it. “And here I thought you’d defected just so you could start fragging Autobot medics too, but it sounds like you had a head start there.”

“Really Ambulon —  _ why are you like this?” _

“Are there any medics besides me that you  _ haven’t _ fragged?” Ratchet turned back to Drift, who was wearing a sort of nervous expression.

“Oh me!” First Aid couldn’t help waving his hand in the air like an eager pupil trying to catch the teacher’s attention.

Ambulon snickered while Ratchet stomped off in a huff.

Ten hours later, Drift had bought Pharma his “thanks for the good time” and “sorry for forgetting about you for a thousand years” candy off of the retail section of the Big Conversation, and Ratchet had come up with a miracle cure for the rust rash and inoculated everyone. That meant Ambulon was more than healthy enough to help First Aid ambush Drift in a closet. Drift probably could have avoided them, but even after buying him candy too, Ratchet still wasn’t letting him apologize, so he decided he might as well enjoy himself.

Oh, and it turned out their third visitor was named Pipes, but First Aid was too busy being a sated pile of Drift/medic sandwich to care.

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End


End file.
